Practical ways to reconcile with your mother. How to reconcile parents: effective methods How to try on a guy with mom

Hello, I am 21 years old, I live with my parents, I have been dating a young man for 2 years, this is not my first relationship, but these serious ones, I am in love and this is mutual, we are both 4th year students. The problem is that my parents can't take it now, they don't like everything about it, they themselves invite him home, smile at him, and then after leaving they tell me who I chose for myself? Have nothing not money not housing? Is his family lower in status? And off we go, I'm constantly on my nerves. Vytoge one day he told me that he heard everything that my parents think about him, my mother is not particularly shy and speaks directly to his face, he tried to please my parents, he endured them, he gave gifts, but one day he said that I would not come again I don't want to go where I'm not welcome. My parents were very indignant at his presence in our house, why is he sleeping here? what is he eating here? Why don't you walk and watch movies? Why is he here so late? In the family of my boyfriend, everyone allows me and no one will say a bad word in my direction, they even stand up for me when he is wrong. Vytoge he comes in general for 4 months. My parents are furious that they don’t have a son-in-law, that they don’t know anything about him, they say that they want to communicate, that he needs to change for them, that he (my boyfriend) should come and apologize, ask permission to meet with me, when I hear this I'm just in shock, I don't understand them, who owes what to whom? My mother keeps repeating that I don’t see that he loves you, let him show his love, Believe we loved at home, they just kicked us out and now I’m constantly at his house, no one forbids us, but I feel bad, I live on two families, parents shout that I am not at home, that I live as a neighbor, that I do not communicate with them, although I am at home 40% of the time. I live in two families, it is very difficult for me, there are scandals at home, all about the fact that he is not a couple for me, that he is not a man. We are simple students, we don’t smoke, we don’t drink, we go in for sports, we study together for 4, 5, we enjoy life, and our parents soar the brain about the seriousness of relationships, responsibility, we all understand this, but it’s difficult to live separately financially in our times, the scholarship is small, time for a permanent there is no work, study takes everything, only you can’t live part-time for it, the guy seems to want to live with me, but he doesn’t dare because of his financial situation, but I don’t even know if there are other reasons that he tells me. I have little trusting relationship with my parents, I suspect that everything went from childhood, they forbade me a lot, I didn’t finish speaking, I lied a little, I was afraid, and when it comes to talking about personal things it’s hard to tell, they criticize me, they impose my opinion, I constantly don’t right stupid, they climb with their advice and immediately solve the problem for me, but I just wanted support. Help me, I will soon go crazy, at home it comes to fights, tears, my mother and I both cry, she is from her grief, I am from mine ....

Before weddings Mom was glad that she met a caring, intelligent and hard-working boyfriend, but after the wedding the situation changed a lot. From an ideal man-gift, the son-in-law has turned into a smug impudent who is unable to provide and is not at all worthy of such a wonderful woman as you. Your beloved man and your mother started cold war What should you do in such a situation?

Mother-in-law and son-in-law conflict- far from news that almost all young couples face. No wonder so many jokes were invented by the sons-in-law about the mother-in-law. The hardest thing in this situation is, of course, you. After all, you need to find a compromise, constantly choosing between your mother and your beloved husband, and sometimes it is simply impossible to make such a choice. To begin with, try to understand the causes of conflicts, who is to blame for the fact that your mother disliked your husband so much?

Indeed, in this situation have to to make sure that "both the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe." This will require some effort from you, a little cunning and diplomatic skills. As well as calmness and endurance - after all, someone must keep a cool head during conflicts. Don't worry if it doesn't work out for you the first time.

Similar character traits appear not immediately, but throughout life. First, think about whether it’s not the husband and mother who are at all to blame for the situation that has arisen, admit at least to yourself that you yourself are largely to blame. After all, you silently listened when your mother spoke badly about your husband. It was you who offered to live with your mother until you save up for an apartment or come to visit your mother for a while to stay with her on vacation. After all, this time is enough to worsen the relationship between the son-in-law and the mother-in-law.

If you are forced to live together with your mother under the same roof, then you urgently need to change your tactics of behavior. To begin with, let your mother and husband know that you both love and respect them, and you will never allow them to utter insulting words about each other in front of you. By deeds and words, show your respect and love for them both. Take an interest in your mother’s well-being every day, communicate with her more often and do not forget to mention the good deeds and deeds of your husband when talking with her.

Try to imagine yourself in place of mother or husband. If your mother complains about your husband, tell her in a correct and friendly tone: "I have my own opinion on this matter. Mom, don't be offended, please, I respect your opinion very much, but you are wrong about my husband." In no case do not dictate to her how she should behave with your husband, demanding from her a respectful attitude towards him. Be fair about the fact that your mother wants you well and wants to contribute to the family budget. In the presence of your husband and mother, try to mention more often what kind of help your mother provides you, emphasize the significance of her role in creating the well-being of your family. Don't forget to thank her for helping your family.

Don't try" remake"Your mother or re-educate your husband. You must change, first of all, yourself. Despite the gray everyday life of weekdays, you need to be a serious and responsible woman. Otherwise, seemingly insurmountable and unbearable problems will overcome you. You need to deal with family difficulties rather than complaining to everyone and not talking about your mother's failed relationship with her husband. A strong woman never succumbs to difficulties, she smiles at adversity and rejoices in happiness.

She understands that in life there are white and black stripes, that "the clouds will someday dissipate, and then the sun will come out again overhead." Just don’t go angry with your mother and husband, even worse, don’t try to raise your voice at them during their quarrel. During the showdown, stay cheerful and wise. Where there is self-control, where a person knows how to overcome personal excitability, everyone immediately feels relieved and calm. Your mother and husband will feel it too. After all, according to by and large, you brought them together, now it depends on you how they will treat each other further. Showing silence, claims against each other, swearing, slamming the door will not lead to the desired result. If you think that there can no longer be any conversations and friendly relations between mother and husband, then measures must be taken so that they meet as rarely as possible. If you live together under the same roof, then look for separate housing. Thus, you will save nerves not only for yourself, but also for two people dear to you.

Living apart, don't let mom make a total control family budget , living conditions and your relationships. All this can lead to frequent scandals with her husband and, as a result, to divorce. Mom is, of course, the woman who is dearest to you in the world. She needs to be taken care of, she needs to be loved. However, this should not be done at the cost of family happiness. And your mother is unlikely to become happy if, through her fault, her daughter becomes unhappy. Your relationship with your husband and the well-being of your family concerns only you and your husband. Don't let your mother rule you.

They began to share the "palm" for the future grandson, which upset me a lot.
- If only the child would become one of our breed! - my mother said dreamily at the feast in honor of Kostya's birthday.
- Why else? my mother-in-law Elena Sergeevna asked jealously. - In our family, everyone has a university education!

The conversation about whose genes are better continued for nearly an hour. The situation escalated until the men (my dad, father-in-law and husband) firmly said that it was enough to injure future mother and as it will be, it’s good, as long as the baby is healthy. The conflict never became open again, but its echoes reached me: either one grandmother would say something, then the second, and both with the best intentions!

The most magical nine months of my life have passed, and our daughter was born. Grandmothers have developed a stormy activity. Each of them gave me a list of names, one of which we should (must!) have been to name the baby. The tone of the letters with the names was categorical, quietly asking questions: are we going to accept the proposal on behalf of the "opposite side"? Kostya and I patiently explained over and over again that it was we, the parents, who would make the decision, and any coincidence with one of the lists was nothing more than an accident and no reason for resentment or celebration. As a result, we chose the name on our own, deciding to name our daughter Sonechka.

The day of discharge from the hospital came. On arrival home at the feast again there was an unpleasant conversation for me.

- But Sonya went to our breed! my mother said triumphantly.

Why, Antonina Ivanovna? Kostya asked.

- Well, how can you not see? The eyes are like those of Rita (that's me), the nose is like that of Nikolai Fedorovich (that's my dad), and the hair is mine! Mom answered proudly.

The statement about hair made everyone laugh: Sonya had several hairs of a light brown hue swaying on her head. Mom embarrassedly argued that it was the shade she had in mind.

— No, Tonechka, you are wrong! my mother-in-law said reproachfully. - Sonechka is very similar to Kostya when he was just born. And, as you know, if a girl looks like her dad, she will grow up to be a beauty. So here are our genes!

This time there was no stormy argument, everyone tried to control themselves, as befits in this situation, but the "hairpins" from one grandmother, then from another constantly looked through in different topics.

Now a little more than a month has passed since the birth of Sonechka, and the grandmothers are in a quiet confrontation with each other. Each of them believes that the other does not understand anything about child care, and demands that I listen only to her advice. They also lead an unspoken struggle for the title of "best grandmother": each of them tries to show what exactly she does more for her granddaughter (helps with care, buys new clothes, gives practical recommendations). Grandmothers try not to meet each other. They talk about each other with restrained irritation, random encounters continue to maintain a cold neutrality, although ironic statements make it clear how things really are. Obviously, there is a conflict between them and it is built around Sonechka. I think that this is not too good - both for the girl herself and for the grandmothers. For Sonya, because if the situation does not change, she will continue to be "torn" into pieces. And for grandmothers - because it's a pity that two elderly women do not find the wisdom and good will in themselves to simply enjoy communication with the baby. And more and more often I have a question: what can I do to somehow reconcile them? Yes, and I myself want to live in a calm environment, and not on the verge of constant conflict.

Commentary by psychologist Alexandra Moskalenko

The conflict over the child is only the tip, the reason for the aggression that is present in grandmothers to break out. It is likely that women did not find a common language before. Most likely, one of them (or even both) disagree with each other on something important. The initial topic for mutual misunderstanding can be anything, but there is no doubt that it exists.

The main thing in this situation is to preserve the psychological well-being of the baby. And this issue will be especially acute when she turns 1.5-2 years old. Already at this age, kids are able to capture the nuances of relationships between adults and use them to their advantage. And the older the child becomes, the better he masters the "art" of manipulating relatives. If the grandmothers are fighting for the "prize", which of them is better, then in this situation you can get almost anything from them. And children, as a rule, do not miss such an opportunity. Therefore, try to protect the child from these "intrigues of the royal court" now.

In this situation, it is important for Rita to understand that the conflict did not develop because of the birth of a child, that the prerequisites for it were earlier. And that is why you should not take responsibility for the relationship of two adult women. They themselves are responsible for what happens, and this is important. But of course, Rita also has some opportunities to reduce the external manifestations of the conflict.

Maintain a position of neutrality. Having a calm environment around you is not selfishness, it is a normal desire of a woman who is breastfeeding and caring for a child. Therefore, do not allow yourself to be made a "third party" to the conflict. Namely, the role of the "wastebasket" is imposed on the young mother (as well as the father) in such conflicts. Both women express "behind their backs" an opinion about the opposite side, and as a result, it is you who become the accumulator of negative information. Therefore, gently but firmly state your position: if the grandmothers have something to say to each other, let them say it directly. If not, let them be silent. And try not to take a position in a conflict other than your own.
Limit "table talk". Feasts are a moment "favorable" for expressing conflict messages. And after that, it is more difficult to make peace than if the conversation took place one on one. Therefore, you should try to avoid unpleasant conversations at the table as much as possible. Agree with your husband that as soon as you hear something "dangerous" and threatening to turn into a long conversation, immediately offer new topic. Prepare topics in advance.
Talk to each of the grandmothers. In conversation, emphasize that your common goal is the happiness and well-being of the baby, and peaceful relations in the family. And all of you are striving for this goal: both young parents and grandparents. And that's exactly what you need to remember. Will the girl feel good if she sees that her beloved grandmothers cannot find a common language?
Try to show the grandmothers common ground. For example, you can kindly inform one grandmother that her opinion on this or that issue completely coincides with another grandmother. Perhaps this will initially cause a negative reaction, but after considering everything, women may come to the conclusion that there is something in common in their positions.

Perhaps your actions can only make the conflict less obvious, and not resolve it. Yes, and you should not take on such responsibility. Before us are two mature personalities whose views may not coincide so much that they will never be able to become friends. It is quite enough if in this situation they behave tactfully, clarify sensitive issues with each other and do not make the conflict open to everyone. And it is important to remember that they are two loving grandmothers who want to communicate with the baby, and it is in your power to provide them with this opportunity.

Comment on the article "Family battles: how to reconcile mother and mother-in-law?"

I constantly argue with my parents why this is happening.

Quarrels between parents and children, alas, are not uncommon. Some families manage to smooth things over and avoid bickering, but in many cases, misunderstandings are inevitable. There can be many reasons for this development of the situation, and often it comes down simply to a difference in interests, due to a significant difference in age.

Probably, your quarrels with your parents are due to the fact that it seems to you that they do not understand you at all, “live in a different time”. Be that as it may, it is important to understand that parents should still be treated with respect, even if you do not agree with their opinion - this is what educated and worthy young people and girls do. There are practically no cases when a mother or father wishes harm to their child - whatever they advise, most likely, it comes from good intentions. That is why, first of all, focus on what your parents want you to be better, and then think about everything basic.

Often we are very harsh with our parents, and realize our wrong only after many years. If you do not want to live with regrets, then learn to be patient - this is important not only in dealing with relatives.

If you think that you understand something more than your parents, then this is an even greater reason to show indulgence to them. Be kind to them, even if right now it seems to you that they do not deserve it.

What to do if you quarreled with your mother

Consider the situation

Think about why the situation turned into a conflict. Also reflect on whether you could have prevented such a development of events or whether it completely depended on you. Before you get angry at your mom, evaluate the situation from several angles. Put yourself in the place of your mother: how would you feel being in this situation in the position of your mother?

Don't look for excuses

Of course, it may be that you are not at all to blame for this conflict, but do not rush to look for excuses for yourself. In practice, it is very difficult to find a situation where only one participant is guilty of a quarrel. Having carefully considered what happened, you, of course, will understand that in its outcome there is your fault, and perhaps even more so.

Be tolerant

Usually after conflict loving friend other people begin to reproach themselves and think about how it was possible to prevent this situation. Surely, your mother is having a hard time right now, and she is worried not only about the cause of the quarrel, but also about its very fact. Invite your mother to calmly discuss the situation. First of all, do not try to impose your opinion, but carefully listen to all her arguments. Even if your mother's words seem absurd or unfair to you, control yourself. Calmly listen to her position, just as calmly convey yours. If mom gets angry or interrupts, tell her that you want to talk to her when she is ready to listen to you without too much emotion.

Be more proactive

To soften the situation, you do not need to show your resentment and do not help your mother in any way if you are in a quarrel. Respond to her calls for help, and take the initiative yourself in household chores.

How to make peace with your mom

After a strong quarrel, lies or bad deeds

Choose a suitable place for reconciliation. Of course, no third parties should be present. Since the quarrel occurred between the two of you, then you should not involve other people in solving the problem. An exception may be other close relatives who are also somehow hurt by your behavior.

Decide on the "correct" time. Neither you nor your mother should be distracted from the conversation. Also pay attention to the mood of the mother - she should not be tired, irritated or in a hurry somewhere. In general, take care of the ideal conditions for a conversation.

Start with an apology, then move on to explaining your actions. Of course, your apology should not look like a favor or condescension. Mom, for sure, wants to hear sincere remorse and regret in your voice - she is unlikely to be satisfied with a formal apology.

If I'm to blame

If you realize your guilt, then this is already half the battle. Now it is important to convey to your mother that you really understand your wrong, and at the same time you are very sorry about what happened.

Explain to your mother what exactly prompted you to act one way or another, and how you intend to act if the situation develops in a similar way again.

Show not only in words that you were wrong, but also in deeds. Of course, it's not about trying to "appease" mom with gifts - this is unlikely to help. Try to be more attentive to her, spend more time with her. Do not forget to help your mother, take care at least in small things.

Ask your mom directly how you can fix the situation and make amends to her. Surely, she will tell you what offended her the most, and how you could improve the situation. If you cannot fulfill its conditions, try in a calm atmosphere to find the most advantageous compromise for both of you.

Promise that in the future you will try not to make the mistake that has happened. Of course, it would be ideal if you actually try not to make such an oversight again.

If she's wrong

If it seems to you that your mother is wrong in this situation, then first you need to make sure that this opinion is not your subjective one. Put yourself mentally in her place, and try to understand why she had an erroneous opinion. Perhaps this is partly your fault?

How to apologize to your mother

Sincerely ask for forgiveness

The main thing in this business is sincerity. Mom lived longer than you, and most likely learned to recognize sincere and fake emotions. If you are to blame for the dispute to a greater extent or in part, then, of course, mom expects you to admit your guilt and apologize to her. Some feel that asking for forgiveness is a humiliation. Usually only strong people are able to admit their mistake.

Write a letter or sms with apologies

It may be difficult for you to start a conversation with your mother, or until the right opportunity presents itself. In this situation, you need to find another way to convey your apologies, and do it at least via SMS or a paper letter. If the mother, offended by you, can brush aside the conversation, then she will most likely read your message, even if she does not admit it right away.

Sincere conversation

Of course, spiritual conversation will help best in the current situation, but you should choose the right time for it. If you understand that now mom is clearly not in the mood for a conversation, then you should not impose it. Prepare a good dinner or buy some goodies for tea and invite your mom to talk over a meal or tea.

When you ask for an apology, it is important that you are sincere at that moment. Remember that the interlocutor does not expect from you just the very fact of an apology - often he expects that you will understand your wrong, and not just do him a favor by admitting some mistake.

It is important not to aggravate the conflict, but to resolve it, so if you see that the interlocutor is not at all in the mood for a conversation, then it is better not to impose yourself, but to choose another convenient opportunity for a conversation.

How to calm mom when she swears and cries

Talk to her calmly

If it came to tears on the part of the mother, then, for sure, you understand that she is really very upset and emotionally it is not easy for her to cope with the situation. Answering her in a similar tone, you are unlikely to be able to improve the situation. Answer calmly, but this calmness should be sympathetic, but not indifferent or detached. Mom may need to talk - don't try to interrupt her. However, during pauses, select the maximum the right words appropriate for the situation.

Hug, kiss

More often than not, however, frustrated mothers need more than just words, they need to build a relationship with their child. It is unlikely that she will pull away if, at the moment of her emotional weakness, you hug her or kiss her. However, even if this happens, and she brushes aside your manifestations of tenderness, do not even doubt that her soul will become much easier, and with your gesture you will only improve the situation.

Say you appreciate and love a lot

It is important for a mother to hear words of love from her child - such confessions are never superfluous! It often seems to parents that children do not appreciate all the sacrifices they make for their children, or even do not notice them. Perhaps your relationship with your mother also has this problem? Tell your mom that you see how much she does for you, and really appreciate her efforts.

Write a poem (your own or can be found on the Internet)

Of course, most mothers are very sensitive to signs of attention from their children. If you need to apologize to your mother, then with poems you are unlikely to seriously correct the situation - at first it is advisable to speak frankly and admit your mistakes. But a poem for a "fixing effect" can be very effective. If you are a creative person, then perhaps it will not be difficult for you to write your own poem for mom. Is this mission not up to you? Then you can choose a suitable verse with an apology on the Internet.

Give a bouquet of flowers

Many women love flowers, and your mother is probably no exception. Surely, even a small bouquet of her favorite flowers will cheer her up. If it is customary in your home to take care of perennials, then perhaps she will be even more delighted with a flower in a pot. Most likely, you know the tastes of your mother, and you can pick up a bouquet for her to taste.

Invite to a cozy coffee shop for a chat

Perhaps you and your mom visit your favorite coffee shop from time to time? In this case, this institution can be a great place for reconciliation! However, if you usually do not go to a cafe with your mother, that is A good reason to fix this.

Make a collage of your joint photos

Of course, mom will be glad for your attention, and a collage with joint or her personal photos may be quite appropriate. Such a step can not be regarded as the main apology, but the collage may well become the “finishing touch”. Choose your mom's favorite pictures - it is possible that she has forgotten many of them, and she will be pleased to plunge into memories.

Have fun together

Many parents believe that grown-up children are very immersed in their own personal lives, and practically do not devote time to the family. Admit that this is often the case. You always have the opportunity to fix it by spending time with your mom. You can do it in many ways - go to the cinema, watch a good movie at home, cook a delicious meal together and much more!

Is it possible not to quarrel with mom, but to live in peace and harmony

If you want to live in peace and harmony with your mother, then you can achieve this, even if she has a grumpy character. However, this circumstance is rarely the main cause of quarrels - more often mothers and daughters quarrel because of the usual misunderstanding. You yourself invite your mother not to swear, but to try to find a compromise in any controversial situations. At the same time, it is important to move from words to deeds, and not to “pull the blanket over yourself” in the event of a conflict, but to try to solve the difficulties that have arisen. Well, and most importantly, you need to be more tolerant and remain calm, in case you understand that you are being unfairly accused. Most likely, mom will appreciate your reaction and listen to you just as calmly. In the event that you realize that you are really to blame, do not use the rule that says that the best protection is an attack - have the courage to admit your mistakes.

Our history of conflict lasts probably all 5 years that we have known my husband.
Mom almost immediately did not like my MCH. Every year a conflict arose, we were offended by each other, we did not communicate for about six months, then I went to reconciliation, we talked again for six months and again the conflict .. And like all 5 years. Tired. I don’t know how to finally reconcile my relatives and husband. My younger sister played a very big role in conflicts.
Recently, my mother wrote me a letter after another pleasant conversation:
“You shouldn’t think that I hate Dima. I have absolutely no feelings for him. A stranger. I only care about you and your granddaughter. It’s good for you with him, I’m just happy for you. mom, sister, and maybe dad. and therefore does not respect you. Of course, I am to blame for the fact that you treat us this way. But not because I am doing something wrong now. I am nothing more than I don't want and don't do it. It's my fault that I brought you up somehow wrong. You don't respect your loved ones and don't love. That's why Dima treats us the same way. It all started when you silently moved in with him. she didn’t consult with me, neither with dad, nor with Ksyusha - she neglected us. Especially Ksyusha. They don’t treat strangers anyway. Then it turned out that "New Year - family celebration", but we are nobody to you. And for this again we were to blame. To marry, but future husband and was not going to ask your parents for the hand. They probably wanted you to be an orphan. So we decided to do just that. Cut off your loved ones, humiliating each time. That's not all yet. I'll continue later."
The husband accidentally saw this letter, the first phrases hooked him, and he could not help but read it. Then he decided to answer, my persuasions not to answer did not work, he was too offended. His answer was quite sharp, his mother simply sent him at the last meeting, which he was offended by. True, now mom describes in a different way all the situations in which we are offended by them. It turns out after every scandal, where the husband, in my own way, thought that they were to blame, we did not communicate, and my mother and sister were offended by us in a completely different way. There were many of these situations, and you won’t remember, here are some of them:
1.2nd year. Relatives from another city come to us - children 11 and 14 years old. MCH and I have already invited friends to NG for a long time, everything has already been planned. The sister allegedly left the rented apartment to friends. As a result, they didn’t ask me, but simply ran into me, why can’t I take children to NG, while there is no question that someone else’s aunt, in someone else’s apartment. As a result, somehow it turned out that we quarreled, my mother managed to tell my MCH that he was a stranger on the phone and everything went on and on.
2. 3rd year. They want us to come for the new year to them. They don’t invite, but reproach, the sister participated, running over why we don’t want to celebrate the New Year with our parents, to which the husband, then MCh, replied that the New Year is a family holiday, and we want to be together .. Mom caught on this phrase to this day. Then she just pointed at MCH's finger and said, "Where? Where are you family ???!", indicating that there are no rings and he is not a family. And they were offended by the fact that we allegedly do not consider them a family. As a result, the sister got up from the table and said that she would not sit at the same table with this person, then at the car, that she would not ride in the same car with this person. And went to a stop late at night in the rain. We took mom home. Mom asked to pick up her sister, but MCH was already offended and just drove home, and we left. My sister called me to inform me that the buses do not run, I asked to come for you, but she abruptly said no .. I was honestly already pissed off by her attitude. Mom also said that if we don’t come to NG, then I will betray her. True, a couple of years later, she denies these words. And the fact that my sister didn’t go with the MCH, well, it’s not scary, as a result, we were left to blame for not listening to my mother and not going after my sister, we didn’t take her by force and didn’t take her home ..
3. At the wedding, where my mother behaved extremely badly, she was with a disgruntled stony face, well, this is not scary compared to what my sister said to her mother-in-law - “I didn’t say hello, I don’t say hello and I won’t say hello” just because when at the entrance to the registry office, when my parents were late, she came in with glasses and didn’t say hello to anyone, her mother-in-law told her, were you taught to say hello? After that, she took revenge on her at the end of the wedding evening with her husband's friends.
I'm tired of all these conflicts. Every time my mother tries to reproach me for all the sins. When we didn’t communicate, I was sad, I was worried about them, but at the same time I was calm, I did household chores, started planning something, organized a wedding, as soon as I told my mother about the wedding, she was offended, and I became in a terrible mood , sometimes the thought came to cancel everything ..
4. When they got married a long time ago, the day before the wedding anniversary, she said that she was going to come to us to see me off in the family (I went to bed in advance). And we already invited friends to the anniversary, bought everything for the table, the mother-in-law stayed at the dacha, because my friends and I decided to sit, agreed on a photo shoot for the pregnant woman. And then my mother says that she was going to go to me in the evening to see me off in the morning. At first I was surprised, said, well, come, I myself tried to figure out how to organize everything now, well, that means my mother will sit with us and all that. The husband said categorically - no, if in advance, then yes, otherwise, everything is already planned, and he wanted to be alone before parting with me. On the day of the anniversary, I asked my mother if she could spend the night with her sister, to which my mother was offended, hung up, then called back and said. disgusting and all .. I roared in the morning, so she congratulated us on our wedding anniversary. They celebrated the holiday well, I calmed down, then my friends arrived, in the evening until 2 am we took pictures, finished our work and went to bed. In the morning we went to the maternity hospital, and came to give birth, a week earlier than expected, of course, I was not upset, I did not want to lie there for a long time .. My mother did not say that she helped with her behavior. My sister later told me that I offended my mother, that she had boasted to everyone for a long time that she was going to go to me, to see me off at the maternity hospital, only now, one thing. She didn't tell me about it. Where is the respect in this? And she thinks that I do not respect her .. I'm already tired of this misunderstanding. Every conversation leads to the fact that I do not respect her, despite the fact that in every conflict she does not behave correctly.
For her, the husband should, when she appears, leave and be silent in a rag, not interfere at all in the conversation, let her stay with her daughter and granddaughter. And he had the right to be there when she arrived. She yelled, sent her husband and left. HER was offended by the fact that my husband once said that you weren’t holding the baby correctly, that you shouldn’t take pictures when the baby was eating, the husband didn’t want her breasts to be visible. Mom was insanely angry, she was offended, reproached that she meant that she would not be allowed to communicate with her granddaughter, and left. I tried to stop her with my daughter in my arms, I said stay, she left, slamming the doors. True, it turns out here that it turns out that this was not the case, that I only called her later and told her to stay. I was very upset that she very much distorts all situations. The last time I went to my mother without a daughter for her birthday, it was more than 6 hours on the road there and back. She told her friend on the phone that she didn’t know why she wasn’t allowed to see her granddaughter, like she probably didn’t deserve it. She is offended that without a granddaughter, her husband is categorically against communicating with her granddaughter until her mother apologizes. Mom thinks he should apologize.
And as a result, my mother wrote me a letter, to which my husband answered himself. Now they are chiding me and reproaching me that a man should not read other people's letters, and my sister is calling, threatening that other people will communicate with her husband if there are such letters at least once.
I'm tired. Everyone wants something from me. And I'm trying to understand everyone, to figure out who is to blame, who is right. I am offended and I forgive. I'm being bullied again. The character is too weak. And I don't know what to wish for. what line to lead, I'm at a loss ..